Q: I am a 40 year old happily married man. Recently, I have discovered I have a very embarrassing itch on what I can only call “an intimate part of my anatomy”. I have applied various moisturisers to it, but it simply won’t budge. I really have no idea what to do and do not wish to talk to people about it – my wife included, for fear they may jump to the wrong conclusion.
Darling, moisturisers may improve the appearance and plump up any creases of your intimate affected area but they are absolutely not the answer. They are not medicated and therefore not a cure. Anything that itches of course, demands to be scratched and you run a great risk of getting an infection around your prized intimate region when doing so. If you look under a microscope at even the smallest specks of dirt that can live under the fingernails, the amount of throbbing bacteria heaving with vile germs will, I am sure, astonish you. There is a chance that it may be a sign of something a lot more serious than just an itch too. It may also be contagious and I can assure you that if your wife becomes the recipient of some unidentified gusset rash, you may soon not remain quite as happily married as you are now. If this is worrying you to the point of writing to me then you should definitely be seeing your doctor. It is something that you need to deal with. You are a grown man. Be responsible and get it properly seen to. Think how you will cartwheel with glee and how wonderful you will feel when your bothersome itch is cured.
Q: I have recently given birth to my first adorable child. There’s been so much in the press about breastfeeding, which is something I do do at home. Recently, I was in Waitrose and my baby began screaming uncontrollably, demanding to be fed. I had to feed her in public and I felt very self-conscious about this. This wasn’t helped by a number of people who gave me really nasty looks. How should I handle this situation if it happens again?
Firstly, huge congratulations on the birth of your much cherished baby girl. As a new mother you obviously want to take the best possible care of your baby and make sure that she is fed when she needs to be. You are clearly self-conscious about breast feeding in public but sometimes there is no way around that. If you are somewhere in public and your baby needs feeding then you must feed her. If you make an effort to be discreet, you have no reason to feel self-conscious. You are a mother and breast feeding is what most mothers do. You should not be made to feel that you are doing anything wrong.
Q: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Recently, I was on the family computer and the browser history came up with a number of links to porn sites. I investigated and was shocked by what my husband had clearly been watching. He is now demanding that we indulge in similar types of sexual behaviour in bed. These are very new to me and I feel really uncomfortable about this. What should I do? I don’t want him to go off and seek pleasure elsewhere…
Oh, how tedious of him. He obviously has too much time on his hands. It all sounds rather unsavoury and tacky. You say in your letter that he is now “demanding” that you indulge in similar sexual acts. No person has a right to demand sexual acts of any sort from another person. From your letter, he sounds capable of being overbearing and selfish.
Well, it seems to me that you have some clear choices. Firstly, you may find that you might like to try something new and therefore you must decide what you are willing to indulge in and not be forced into anything you are not happy to do. Secondly, if you are unsure but think that you might try something because you love him, then he needs to recognise this and make an effort by giving you something in return. Think of something that you really want or that he can do for you and come to an understanding. Think big…!!! If you both get the things you want then at least that works on some level. Thirdly, if you are not comfortable and don’t want to try any of his new, porny, sex moves, then don’t.
Fourthly, nowhere in your letter do you mention being “happily married” or indeed “in love”. Perhaps this is an oversight on your part but it just might be an indication that now is a good opportunity for you both to re-evaluate how you do feel about each other. Your husband certainly seems to possess a great capacity to care for his own happiness, no matter how uncomfortable his demands make you feel. Just because you are married doesn’t automatically mean it’s still a good idea for you both.